Last night I took a sleeping pill (med #1)
not for any mental disturbance, thank God
just because I was afraid that
if I can't go back to sleep much longer after 2am
than the 6am rorate mass will be in grave danger.
What I didn't realise (in my usual naïvite...)
was that since I haven't had one in a month
it was bound to knock me off
and so getting up and staying awake for that single hour
was close to a nightmare
and even after getting back to sleep at 7am
I needed long hours of anything-but-restful slumber to make myself get up
eventually after 10:30
and still felt pretty numb well into the afternoon.
Anyway, the odder thing
was that I wanted to eat the whole day long
while my stomach hasn't been properly empty since I am here
(lunches are huge
two courses in restaurant portions
and about as much meat so far as I'd eat in a month)
and now I finally came to understand
that there exists a mind-type hunger as well
that has nothing to do with my stomach
a very subtle one indeed
that just whispers "Eat. Eat." in my ear
and does that quite irresistibly.
And it may be induced naturally
by a hectic schedule, general stress and fatigue
or by (this or an other) medicine.
(It might also explain why
the other day when we met accidentally
M. was ordering two slices of toast
besides the two-course, carbohydrate-heavy meal
that I couldn't even finish off.
I mean, she doesn't do
heavy manual labour either
to explain such an appetite
and she gained a lot of weight recently
I was wondering if it's medicine-related
she's certainly a lot more balanced, too
which may not be such a bad exchange
still, I'm a bit worried by her size.)
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