on overwhelm

Much like I expected: 

Csillagpont is great fun

as well as an incredible load of work

It didn't help much

that G. started today with telling us off

very disproportionally to what we have(n't) accomplished yesterday

(but he too was fine afterwards

and I managed to even give him some

(pretty cheeky) feedback)

My coworkers are amazing

they made the job bearable and way beyond that

(I wish I could thank them all one by one)

The day wasn't very busy

but we needed to set up the routines, the flow

and I was there literally all day long

(7:15 to midnight)

and even if there were breaks

(an hour or so of prayer;

and we even played two full rounds of Set!)

it was very, very tiring

This was day 1...

today

For the first time in a few weeks

(or so it feels, anyway)

I didn't have to leave home

and it is also a lot cooler

so I had no such urge either

but now I have no food

and I should go a round

to the greengrocer and the baker

but I just am lazy

(not even the <cukrászda>!)

so I guess I'll have to eat something milk-based

which is fine

but sometimes I really wish for more motivation

There is this strange dynamics again:
nothing happening, seemingly

yet quite a bit going on on the inside

most of it half-consciously at maximum, though

Today I spent an hour with little M. in the pushchair

he was fabulous

made no fuss at all 

not even when he realized he is no longer being pushed by his father

that was something that made me deeply relieved and grateful

Meanwhile A. had some urgent examinations at the clinic

worries about the fourth child

(about whom I heard first this morning)

and I was truly anxious for them 

and relieved when it turned out to be nothing very serious

But I still shed a tear or two later at home

for poor me 

that will never know the joys and anxieties of pregnancy or childbirth

while it seems just so easy for others

unfairly easy if I am honest 

but also: if I am bitter

Bitterness is probably my biggest fear for the future right now

altough maybe I should be more afraid of self-pity