Today’s was a very useful session at the psychologist
Last time we started talking about feelings
whether it was o.k. to express them back at home
and so on
(starting with my apparent inability to feel anger)
and then I thought about jealousy
with which I do struggle every once in a while
and then of self-pity
And then she said that jealousy is something much like anger
and self-pity like sadness
and with that, their "moral value" was at once taken away
and I find that very helpful indeed
a lot easier to manage them in my head
(or so I think now :-))
She also asked, in connection with my feeling of shame about the divorce
how I feel towards my divorcing friends
and I told her truthfully that I don't feel inclined to judge them
since both had fairly straight forward cases
with not much of a choice other than to leave
Then she asked me how I would put my own case into a sentence like those
seeing what objective reasons I could connect to their divorces
and I said "I was divorced because Á. wanted to leave"
and that suddenly felt like something pretty objective
As to the "substitute life"
even as I told her about it, I had to admit that
this expectation (the one about a family of "my own")
exists only in my head
which doesn't make it much easier but maybe a bit still
Then at home I somehow thought I might start
trouble is, how do I strengthen my commitment...?
And in the evening we went to the cinema(!) with CLC
watched the film on the Ignatian camino
and it inspires me to go and walk it next spring
I'll have to make some sort of an initial calculation
