A minute ago
I finally sent out two
highly important and
very long procrastinated e-mails:
to the state child protection authority
and the foundation where we were on hold in the adoption queue.
On Monday they'll wipe out our data from their systems
maybe sigh
and go on.
While my heart breaks once again
as I once again must face the hard fact that
motherhood eludes me
quite possibly for forever.
And I am very much tempted to start thinking
what I must have done so utterly, so irreparably wrong
to deserve this
but then of course life just doesn't work this way
the very question is unreasonable
ridiculous in fact
if only I wasn't sobbing.
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