on my way

and so life goes on, it seems

after a rather long halt

i rid myself from both psych meds in a few days (actually it doesn't so much feel like ridding myself than just being over it, the need)

a rather long halt in which i happened to nearly die (figuratively, of course)

and yet i did not

and now i am in this car

a Mercedes-Benz 

toward Budapest

in rain

and there is an acquaintance sitting in the front passenger seat, another little carpool-coincidence 

enough for me not to wish us getting into an instantly lethal accident on the motorway

which somehow did cross my mind before setting off

maybe to signal to me that all is not indeed miraculously made well inside

but it is a whole lot better, nevertheless 

and i am on my way to Landau

a high school friend and her family

i'm quite far from them mentally still

but i'll have 14-ish hours on trains

to prepare, and to wind down, read, watch the landscape

i am looking foward to it

and looking forward to something, i find again and again, is as life-giving

as it is life-taking to dread something that's coming up.