on a difficult morning

I was about to write that

if this isn't depression than I don't know what is

but then of course I don't

it's just what I imagine it to be

not wanting to get out of bed

(preferably ever again)

and silently weeping in despair

and feeling totally, irreparably broken.

(All these after half a tranquilizer.

I actually had a look at its LD50 limit

but it's way higher than the half bottle I have at hand, fortunately.)

I was once again conceited about my progress

time to accept that

no matter how strong I hold on

to my hair

I can't pull myself out of this.

(Not much after these the medicine kicked in

I slept an hour or so more

and was stunned for at least an hour more

doing everything half-pace

but at least not crying.)