then had "one of them moments"
when it all just turns black in a few seconds
but I somehow managed to mold those feelings into words
and quite quickly they lost from their power.
The other day I thought again
of that psychiatrist (#2, the decent one)
that warned me not to think about myself as somebody mentally ill
for neither anyone in my family nor I have any history of it.
I was glad for that remark
of course
but isn't it also a reinforcement of my prejudices?
”If nothing else, at least I'm not depressed.”
According to St Ignatius, I shouldn't desire
marriage more than singleness
wealth more than poverty
health more than sickness
but the one that draws me closer to God.
Way to go to this indifference.
However, I suppose
being grateful for the easier way
(mental health-wise)
can't hurt.
And I've got an invitation for a New Year's party
from a wayback friend
(back then a fairly close one
with whom I parted kind of abruptly
about ten years ago)
it'll involve a lot of dancing
(he's an instructor)
at present it feels absolutely outside my comfort zone
dead scary, in fact
but also very alluring, exactly for the same reason.
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