on being on the other end

These had definitely been the most interesting hours for me for a long time

redefining our relationship with a new friend

or maybe rather acquaintance

who as it turned out wanted a lot more of me than I ever will

(although he made it very confusing for quite some time, always dancing back and forth in his expressions)

so it was basically he saying yes and I no

for hours on end

pretty frustrating

especially since I felt 

that he understands me just as little as I do him, and also

that he talked three times more than I did

(but for that I really can't complain because I've been doing it to many people these months)

and perhaps most irritatingly of all

as though I couldn't really shake him 

in his confidence

up to the end

(which was o.k. as long as it was 

he assuring me that he is not hurt a bit

but then I came to realise that it also means 

that he's ready to go on with the pusuit).

There was a piece of self-discovery in it, too

usually I am the person in need and want of a hug

and yet I found myself shying away from any close physical proximity of this guy

however friendly and non-sexual the movements were

even before the conversation turned really serious. 

Eventually I said good-bye to him via IM

and set his messages to "ignore"

a measure I've never taken with anyone yet.

It doesn't exactly feel good

but I can't see any other (and especially better) way out.

I think I've never been to this end of the story

and I always imagined it to be better

but for some reason I don't feel flattered at all

I am just tired, and maybe even a bit disappointed.