the one on a new year

So
eventually this year has come to an end, too
and now I have this totally unreasonable hope again
that from now on it will be all roses
yeah
as it usually is

2020
goodness me, if I ever had thought of this year earlier
I'd have said I'll be "old as the road"
living in all-in-all satisfactory, happy marriage
having some sort of a job
or maybe at home with kids
(not because they were so young still
but because it's better for them to have their mom (=ME!) around)

and look at me
it's non of the above
and I'd better not even get started on what I am
completely inadequate
damaged good
a mess

There is something fabulously pathetic
in how Friends appeals to me
because I can soo relate
to so many things
but at least not only
as regards to my crap life
but also as to my friends
who tried to get me to the party
for quite some time last night.