on money

As usually, I'm so much behind the facts in my understanding
nevertheless, I did come to realise this a few weeks ago or so:
I will probably never be quite as well off again
as I used to be pretty much in my entire life this far.
I can't really remember any time when money would have been tight (or even just much of an issue)
which is so much to be grateful for
and so much to grieve, too...

Now I have this alms from Á.
which is enough to keep the heating running
(and that only because he didn't stop it when I asked him)
but that's about it
and even if I do get a job eventually
I will never be paid enough to support the lifestyle I used to have
with the burden of trying to provide for a pension
--the previous savings stayed with Á., obviously, and there are no kids on the horizon to help out in my old ages.

I should probably make peace with the bleak prospects
and at the same time start appreciating my abundant past
that gave me so much to be grateful for.