on people

This morning T. called me
saying he has about two more hours in Szeged
how about meeting
and it was nice
and I'm very glad he thought of me
(we aren't close friends).

And then in the afternoon Sz.
and I am ashamed to even write this but
her friendship is a burden
we just don't click
and she just doesn't notice
I'm afraid she's too lonely for even that
I never call her
and am always reluctant to meet
but obviously don't want to be a total jerk

And today I realised what it really is that I stand so badly:
it's the fact that her life is absolutely not moving forward
she's stuck in a rut
stagnant
stale
and on some semi-conscious level
I am terrified of becoming like her.

Would people feel similarly in my company?
I hope those that are moving are more immune to this.

And I've got a book from Cs., thank you! :-)
I've had to circumvent Amazon
because of the usual ”not available in your country” thing
but I managed it in a few hours
through exchanging the gift for a voucher
and buying the book for that.