on today

Today I cooked again
and had N. and J. over for lunch
which was pretty nice
(and so is the fact that I could freeze a bit from the leftover).

I've got a job advertisement as well,
forwarded by a friend:
the primary school on the corner
is looking for a librarian.
It was due today so I applied immediately
we'll see if it works out.

Meanwhile, the closest church
is looking for a sacrestian(?), too
but it would mean a very odd schedule
of early morning and evening hours
pretty much day by day
(and also some cleaning
that isn't really my cup of tea).

In the afternoon I started colouring my suicidal fantasies again
not a good sign, according to the books
but then I had a talk with my retreat guide
and that helped me see life in a slightly more hopeful colour
(and also got me a slightly sceptical remark from Zs. --
I probably shouldn't share this much of my spiritual endeavours).

In the evening I went to a meeting
for Saturday's Faith & Light gathering
and enjoyed the company
of a bunch of women
about 15-20(!) years my junior
and tried not to think much
about how happy and hopeful
I used to be around that age
(esp. since I really wasn't always).