on dreams failing me (or I them)

So the days go by more or less fine

but I seem to have lost a few dreams again

much as I liked the idea of a South East Asian backpacking adventure

I decided to give it one more thought

when I realised that given the choice

I would always opt for mountain over sea

and cold/dry over hot/humid

but nowhere else would so little money

take me nearly so far

and two weeks of backpacking

sounds a lot less promising life-change-wise

than three months

then there was the idea of moving to Sz.

for October

but alas, that would make doing away with myself way too easy

so maybe I should abandon it

"for the time being"

then I finally called a gas man to fix the stovetop

where one of the "roses" wasn't working

and then (just as he foretold it, in fact)

while trying to fix it, he actually killed another one, too

leaving me with the need for a new one

which in turn made me realise

that I wished for a built-in stove

in my future kitchen

but I obviously can't start 

a complete renovation now

and won't replace the stove again

sometimes I'd like to sell the flat

and just spend the money travelling the world

without a single care for the ever-eluding "future"

(including those more abstract 

and even less attainable dreams

like a husband and kids)

Maybe I should look at it 

from the point of view that at least 

I had some new dreams to lose