still not doing anything I am not immediately accountable for
(having a shower, changing the bed, writing the e-mails)
and feeling miserable
even while enjoying myself immensely by any normal standard
I also realised today (not sure if for the first time)
that while I would be happy to offer
a second chance to
any remorseful serial killer
(a totally theoretical supposition, of course, and may it stay so)
somewhere deep I am fully convinced
that my only chance for a reasonably happy life
was my marriage
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