Looking back, the previous two weeks or so

were much like a crash course in self-kowledge...

I went ahead and swapped back my name

first at at the registrar

then online

and even started the official turns

I spent days munching on (or, well, procrastinating) the adoption papers

figured out why I was resisting it all so vehemently

(because I felt trapped by the circumstances)

and dodged this (by making sure that

I shall not be recommended a child until

I showed up with a very clear sign saying READY)

I filled in an MMPI (2-RF)

and spent an hour in a very good conversation with a psychologist

(who seemed quite certain that I am capable of the task ahead)

talked at length with a rarely-seen friend 

over lunch and coffee

had my hair cut

and my colour type analysed

dealt with unexpected news, 

reached out to someone I hardly know,

had the privilege of a vulnerable reply

and confessed myself an impostor

And on the less taxing side:

(besides these) in two weeks I attended 

an online retreat 

two delightful evenings of this little reading group

the first two of four Love Anyway workshops

two CLC gatherings

and the first sitting of my brand new book club

 

I am exhausted

but in that good, expectant way