Later I watched this TED playlist
noted once again that I am not depressed
(whether or not there’s a “yet” remains to be seen)
and even cried a bit over some talks
I also admitted to myself once again
that neither medication nor therapy will heal me
it’ll either be that I find some purpose to my life
or it won’t happen
But that’s still way beyond my capacity
at present it’s still the question of “to think or not to think”
because if I do think
then there is only despair
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