on the dragging days

I feel as though time were slowing down 

nothing distinguishes the days

one flows into the other

and worst of all, they are gone without any trace

like some gel-like substance

in which things are visible but hard to grasp

the resistance is hundredfold

Babies are born in my circles

and I don’t feel much

neither pain nor joy

Come to think of it, the whole feeling-business is 

somewhat dampened these days

I can’t really remember the last time I had some strong feeling

(but it was probably something not-very-nice 

so I better not search too much)

I remember reading somewhere that 

one indicator of being adoption-ready

was that one can speak without crying

of not being able to give birth

I think I got to this point a day after my diagnosis

But I still cry whenever I think 

(let alone speak...)

of the divorce