I guess it's telling

that while writing about the good events of last week

I altogether forgot about

receiving the eligibility certificate for adoption...

I am nowhere nearer to the decision than I've been in January

if anything, probably even farther

But it's valid for 3+1 years so I guess I don't have to rush the discernment

(if only I had some clue where to start...)

By the time I finished the previous post in the afternoon

I started feeling low again

but I cut it off by joining N., J., B., Zs. & F. in the Liget

for a nice talk (N. brought along converation starter questions)

and then B. came over to remake my laptop

which of course didn't quite happen

but at least it has been started 

he left eventually before 10

and then I remembered F. telling some birdwatcher story about Á.

and of course, that was the end of the pleasant time

I wonder if this hatred 

that turns from him & her to myself in minutes every time

will ever leave me