from signing some more papers in Mh.
(and skipping the bath
because there came a huge rain
right when the bus rolled in
and the temperature dropped beneath bath levels)
I lost all my energy once again
I feel the shame again
over my messed up life
my procrastination
my laziness
my not-enough-ness
why
for how long still
why
----
I don't know why I didn't put it here at first
but I know what hit me
the news that
a good friend started working at the child protection service
sent me whirling back to a time
when I thought life made sense
and I will eventually find purpose
in motherhood
through adoption
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