First I have to correct the previous one

the retreat is indeed for any divorcee

regardless of kids

so I applied 

we'll see whether covid permits it next March

Secondly, well, I keep procrastinating the tidying

and also getting sadder and sadder somehow

I think I disappoint myself

by not being wiser or tougher or better

even now, closer to the end of the divorce-crisis

I think the only thing I learned is that

survival is possible

but whether or not it is worth it 

is still uncertain

I mean, day by day I am fine

and perhaps that's reason enough not to complain

but I am still not needed anywhere

and though I've been doing and enjoying a lot recently

I could just as well had done them all married

and I can't really imagine anything happening

to which I'd say "this is it. For this it was worth."

Or maybe it's all PMS yet again.