I’m not sure how helpful it is
but I find myself taking my mental temperature
many times a day
feeling worse is familiar ground
this dread of sleep that led me here now
that envy toward my friends having their babies
that deep, deep sadness
feeling better, on the other hand, fills me with some vague remorse
because it means that I am becoming unfaithful
(to what exactly? my ideals?)
and the latest: I don’t want to eventually just "feel good"
because the only way I can imagine that
is by burying whatever pains me now
and that’s unworthy of the cause
and who knows whether when I feel better now
I am not doing exactly that
but who will tell me if and when I am actually healing?
how will I know?
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Megjegyzés küldése